Organic or Not

I ask The Man Who Is Picky About Food if there is anything he’d particularly like for dinner this week. I do get a bit tired of coming up with menu ideas that include nothing that has ever been swimming, no unusual spices or herbs (like, god forbid, cilantro or tarragon – too “funky”, and those quotation marks are intentional), no broccoli or cauliflower or (god forbid) asparagus, but do include meat and, as often as possible, The Best Vegetable There Is: peas.

When I ask for menu ideas, the only thing The Man Who Does Nothing With Food But Eat It comes up with is macaroni and cheese. Basically, if I cook as if I’m cooking for my five-year-old grandson, The Man is happy. Actually, the taste buds probably get inherited in the other direction: the grandson is happy to eat what The Grandpa eats. Mac ‘n cheese, fish sticks, chicken fingers, french fries.

I may call him The Man, but his idea of macaroni and cheese is not adult. When The Man suggests macaroni and cheese, he is thinking “box”. As in: Kraft dinner, which is his epitome of fine cuisine, perhaps tied with Tuna Chip Casserole.

I discover in my cupboard a leftover box of Annie’s Organic Bunny-shaped Macaroni and Cheese that was purchased to feed the grandson, should he visit.

So this evening I spend an exhausting 3.5 minutes in the kitchen, cooking up that box of organic fake food. I add a few ounces of actual grated Wisconsin cheddar, hoping The Man won't notice this bastardization of his cuisine. And then I taste it. Oh, YUK! The “sauce” has a bitter, artificial taste, and the bunny macaroni is just plain inedible, organic or not.

I push a spoonful into the mouth of The Resident Food Critic. “Try this,” I say. “Do you think this is how it’s supposed to taste?” I ask The Master.

“Kinda bland,” he replies.

Bland would be an improvement, I’m thinking. This is beyond disgusting. So I shove another larger spoonful into his mouth. “It’s okay, I guess,” he says. “Not much taste.”

So I ask, “Would you like me to throw it out and make some real macaroni and cheese?” And here comes the Way Cool part...

He replies, “Would you like to go out to eat tonight?”

WOW! I never even suggested it.

Those Annie’s bunnies hit the garbage disposal on the fly, as we head off to the Venice Club for Real Spaghetti.

I’m kind of thinking I might cook up a box of macaroni and cheese, oh, maybe once a week from now on.

Stirring the Pot